Depreciation Society

I love going on dates, but since I have been at uni both James and I don't really have the money to go on as many as we'd like to. This has meant that we have come up with cheaper ways to spend time together, and save money for the occasional fancier outing. Here are some ideas for dates based on some of our favourites.

Short road trips. Just take a day out to drive somewhere you haven't been before, or somewhere that means a lot to you and go there. You can spend no money at all, or lots of money depending on what you do or where you go. My favourite was when James took me to Bourton-on-the-water and we had a picnic and spent some time wandering around the beautiful little town before heading to the bird zoo. I just love spending time with him, and even the car journey is a great opportunity to listen to music and just enjoy each other's company.

Long road trips. If you have more time, this is a great thing to do. Spend a couple of nights in a hotel, either in one place or travelling around. Maybe on a city break, or maybe to the beach? I can't wait to do this with James this summer!

Go for tapas! Or if you can't afford to, make your own! We fell in love with tapas when we were in Barcelona, as they are delicious and the process of sharing the dishes means we actually chat rather than just wolfing down our food in silence. Tomato bread and nachos were particular favourites of mine, and I know my parents enjoyed a wide range of fish dishes when they first tried them.

Go for a picnic. I know this is a classic but it's just so romantic and lovely in summer. You can choose from any beautiful location, and if the sun is out it is just wonderful. You can spend as much or as little as you like on food as well, from champagne and strawberries to sandwiches made from scraps you had at home it'll be great fun all the same.

Ice skating! Another classic. But so so fun, and not too expensive. James and I have been twice and he's much better at it than I am (but don't tell him he'll get a big head!). I really love going and when he's not busy speeding away from me, he'll sometimes hold my hand which is lovely and romantic too.

Go on a cultural visit. I'm currently doing a degree in history so this is probably more fun for me than it is for a normal person but I don't care! That being said, James loves going to museums and sight seeing when we're on holiday together, and he doesn't complain when I make him go to castles and ruins close to home either. It's just something interesting to do and twice as fun when you're with a person you love.

Do a sport together. This can be anything from going on a run together, to rock climbing, to swimming, to trampolining. Just make sure you only do it to a level you're BOTH comfortable with otherwise it'll be no fun.

Do something you would have enjoyed as a child, and still enjoy now. For me this is things like going to the zoo or safari park or an aquarium, but for you it may be going to a theme park or something like that. You could even do something like Go Ape which is essentially a grown up's playground! I love it so much, and it makes me feel like a little kid again.

Do a craft together. James and I love to bake together, especially around Christmas time when we can make gingerbread and Christmas cookies and cakes. We also like to do jigsaws together, even if it does get a little competitive sometimes.... I know my uncle and his wife have done lots of things like this, including pottery, cheese making, basket weaving and bee keeping! It's really up to you how much you want to spend, and what you think you'll enjoy doing. It may be a good opportunity to try something new.

Go for cocktails! This gives you an opportunity to dress up all fancy without having to spend loads and loads of money. If you only go for one, you can spend less than £10 (or in some places less than £5 even). They're delicious and great fun and just a perfect quick and cheap, yet classy date.

A lot of the time, we end up with a lot of overwhelming thoughts and feelings our minds are not able to deal with. We feel anxious. We panic. We often cry too for no reason, even if we might have had a great day and really don’t want to be upset. All of those things are okay to feel at a point where your thoughts and feelings seem to be taken over, but we all want to get over that scary and slightly annoying phase and just move on. Happiness is certainly possible regardless of how low of a point you might have reached.

The first step in clearing your head in a situation where absolutely everything is triggering and upsetting, despite people’s efforts to cheer you up, is realising that you are overwhelmed.

When you accept the fact that your little mind is incapable of coping with everything at once that is when you can have a plan and move further. The more you tell yourself anything along the lines of “I will be fine” or “I can handle this without really reacting to it and doing much” the further away you put it and the worse it gets (trust me, I have been there and acceptance is certainly the better option).

It is then worth taking a moment to write down or just simply think through what has happened in a particular period of time which caused you to feel so overwhelmed.

Writing everything down, even if you will throw that sheet of paper away soon, is useful because it then becomes easier to piece things together and adequately tackle it step by step. Once you see the triggers in your life think of whether they are major and require your attention or whether it is a big bundle of small things which have bottled up for a while. In the case of the latter it is worth listing all of the little issues down, whether in your mind or on paper to free you mind, and address them one by one. Little by little everything will become a lot more clear and you will learn how to deal with similar little annoyances one by one and not bottle them up to hopefully prevent feeling bad in the future.

If you happen to discover that the reason you feel overwhelmed is contingent on something bigger, be that a turbulent relationship with someone really close to you or a long term worry over losing someone very important to you, you will need to take a slightly different approach.

What I have discovered for myself in both of those cases is that once I have realised that I could not fix a turbulent relationship with those close to me due to different views I could teach myself to ignore bitter comments. Sure you can be upset over the little things said to you, and granted sometimes it can be so bitter you will hide away and cry, which is okay. The impact of keeping it all inside unfortunately does no good and only causes damage. If you are a little too responsive to people’s bitterness, like myself, it is often worth taking some time to think about what you say and how you say it - that way you will eliminate the bitter reaction you might have faced earlier.

In the case of fearing the loss of someone, which in my case was not due to death or anything as tragic, but the simple thought of separation is also a little different. Overthinking only does harm in that case and can potentially lead to self-blame to the point where you are choking on your own thoughts.

The best lesson I have learnt for myself is that it will cost you nothing to have a chat with the person you value so much over how you feel - they often see how you feel and worry about you just as much. If reassurance is something you already enjoy or have been able to achieve then the situation you are in comes down to you being able to convince yourself that you are both safe and if anything goes wrong and you part you will continue smiling when thinking about that special someone because they have had so much of an impact to deserve a special little space in your heart and mind.

Overthinking and feeling overwhelmed are the two things we all often experience, but they are not the kind of things any of us should seek to preserve within us. It is okay to wonder and cry, but when it takes over you, it is like being trapped in a cage where your emotions are the strings pulled by an unknown force and you spend your time swimming in the lake of sadness and tears. It happens but it is vital to be aware of it otherwise you will find yourself drowning and reaching the bottom of the sea with nobody by your side. If you aren’t taking care of your mind and feelings for anyone and are missing a stimulus do it for yourself because enjoying the magic of happiness is far more enjoyable than slowly drowning due to self destructive habits.

Following long periods of thought, we all need to be cuddled and then feel choked by the overwhelming amount of information and emotion in our heads. The cycle includes overthinking and us eventually falling into the trap of self depreciation, whereas the real cure lies in the ability to reassure oneself in the abilities we have to keep going. Self love and its exercise doesn’t simply allow us to attract a lot of people as it is often framed in films and books by the lovable and confident characters; instead it offers every single one of us the unique ability to see our potential to keep going in the worst of times and not give up.

When you casually happen to feel down, be that because of bad weather or an upsetting personal situation, there is only so much your friends and cheerful music can do. As the day gets closer to the evening, thoughts seem to make their way back in and we feel overwhelmed and incapable of logical action. Recognising the value of oneself and the wonderful things you carry as an individual (be that through your personality or the little acts completed on a daily basis) makes your mind switch from negative to more positive. You feel on the right track: you feel happier.

Self love prevents reliance on anyone you might have consistently relied on in your life whilst seeing everything they do to make you happy. Their shoulder suddenly becomes free of your tears and stress and they smile with you rather than thinking of the fact that they are incapable of helping you. A disgustingly complex situation becomes more simple and tends to make more sense when you reassure yourself you can keep going and are determined to love yourself for who you are and what you do. You suddenly becomes surrounded by happiness and encouragement rather than the endless repetition of “sorry” which used to flow your way. People gravitate towards you and offer substantial help rather than the eventually useless comfort, which has been so helpful at the start.

Self love saves you from causing yourself damage when you wake up in tears at 2 am or 4 am due to anxiety or just uncertainty because of your own overwhelming thoughts. You can either sleep like everyone else, having accepted that you have done a lot of wonderful little things despite having made some mistakes or can battle anxiety very quickly and get some rest. You become calmer and more stable as the result of experiencing self love; you don’t feel the need to judge yourself and can live your life to its fullest extent with no regrets driving you into constant unhappiness.

Self love sounds like a little magical cure but how do you start to exercise it to make your life a more positive one?

When feeling down and prone to self depreciation whilst having nobody close to speak to, a pen and some paper are your best friends. Be that journaling or simply putting random words on the page, it all helps as long as you list down all of the wonderful attributes you have. If you feel like you have nothing think about your great smile, the fact that you have helped someone today or have even been able to start your journey of self love. Those minor, and as you might think insignificant things, have made today a better day, but by doing those things you are the person to have made today better. Show some appreciation - you deserve it.
If there is a close friend you trust enough, share what you like with them and they will be happy to help you. Chances are, your friend might have been in a similar situation and can tell you that you are an absolutely wonderful person because they most probably know how you feel and don’t want for you to be feeling down.
If you want to encourage self love in a friend writing them positive messages about why they have been so fantastic and why you value them so much is an incredibly handy way to make someone feel better and smile when they don’t feel too great.
Positive affirmations. This method has been recommended to me by a friend and it truly works wonders. If you tell yourself that you can do anything you will feel stronger and more encouraged to act despite having limited support by your side on some days.

Self love is not just an idea, but a way of both accepting yourself and progressing further, looking past stagnation and achieving a greater level of happiness in your life. Each person offers something wonderful, be that through who they are or what they do to make themselves and others happy - don’t forget about it and every day will be brighter.