‘Do you collect Ambers?’
I joked, gazing up
You laughed and kissed me
You.
I cannot find reprieve
I think,
and stab myself over again
With the ice pick you drove through
The tenderest flesh of my body.
A name is the only thing that connects us
Yet now binds me to you to her
It was fine before:
When I could think of nothing else
For I thought of your soft words
The harsh drag of your stubble
Against my skin
These are now tainted
I feel dirty
I cry to feel clean
I dive from a cliff to catch up with my plummeting insides
I’m not afraid of heights today
And the cold water I splash into
Soothes my flaming soul
Following long periods of thought, we all need to be cuddled and then feel choked by the overwhelming amount of information and emotion in our heads. The cycle includes overthinking and us eventually falling into the trap of self depreciation, whereas the real cure lies in the ability to reassure oneself in the abilities we have to keep going. Self love and its exercise doesn’t simply allow us to attract a lot of people as it is often framed in films and books by the lovable and confident characters; instead it offers every single one of us the unique ability to see our potential to keep going in the worst of times and not give up.
When you casually happen to feel down, be that because of bad weather or an upsetting personal situation, there is only so much your friends and cheerful music can do. As the day gets closer to the evening, thoughts seem to make their way back in and we feel overwhelmed and incapable of logical action. Recognising the value of oneself and the wonderful things you carry as an individual (be that through your personality or the little acts completed on a daily basis) makes your mind switch from negative to more positive. You feel on the right track: you feel happier.
Self love prevents reliance on anyone you might have consistently relied on in your life whilst seeing everything they do to make you happy. Their shoulder suddenly becomes free of your tears and stress and they smile with you rather than thinking of the fact that they are incapable of helping you. A disgustingly complex situation becomes more simple and tends to make more sense when you reassure yourself you can keep going and are determined to love yourself for who you are and what you do. You suddenly becomes surrounded by happiness and encouragement rather than the endless repetition of “sorry” which used to flow your way. People gravitate towards you and offer substantial help rather than the eventually useless comfort, which has been so helpful at the start.
Self love saves you from causing yourself damage when you wake up in tears at 2 am or 4 am due to anxiety or just uncertainty because of your own overwhelming thoughts. You can either sleep like everyone else, having accepted that you have done a lot of wonderful little things despite having made some mistakes or can battle anxiety very quickly and get some rest. You become calmer and more stable as the result of experiencing self love; you don’t feel the need to judge yourself and can live your life to its fullest extent with no regrets driving you into constant unhappiness.
Self love sounds like a little magical cure but how do you start to exercise it to make your life a more positive one?
When feeling down and prone to self depreciation whilst having nobody close to speak to, a pen and some paper are your best friends. Be that journaling or simply putting random words on the page, it all helps as long as you list down all of the wonderful attributes you have. If you feel like you have nothing think about your great smile, the fact that you have helped someone today or have even been able to start your journey of self love. Those minor, and as you might think insignificant things, have made today a better day, but by doing those things you are the person to have made today better. Show some appreciation - you deserve it.
If there is a close friend you trust enough, share what you like with them and they will be happy to help you. Chances are, your friend might have been in a similar situation and can tell you that you are an absolutely wonderful person because they most probably know how you feel and don’t want for you to be feeling down.
If you want to encourage self love in a friend writing them positive messages about why they have been so fantastic and why you value them so much is an incredibly handy way to make someone feel better and smile when they don’t feel too great.
Positive affirmations. This method has been recommended to me by a friend and it truly works wonders. If you tell yourself that you can do anything you will feel stronger and more encouraged to act despite having limited support by your side on some days.
Self love is not just an idea, but a way of both accepting yourself and progressing further, looking past stagnation and achieving a greater level of happiness in your life. Each person offers something wonderful, be that through who they are or what they do to make themselves and others happy - don’t forget about it and every day will be brighter.
We live in a time
When we fold in on ourselves
Paper dolls holding hands
Ripping interlocked fingers
Hatred splicing a whole country
I will never understand
How someone can think
That barrier building is anything but bad
Today we love in a time
In which the bookmark has fallen
Out of the page it was marking
And certain people think
This means we return to the prologue
This time last week my grandfather passed away so this week I learned a lot of valuable things that I thought may be useful to people going through something similar. Although everyone grieves in different ways I felt that the advice I was given was useful to anyone who is in mourning.
- Surround yourself with people who are also grieving. Share stories. Share your pain. Love, cry, support each other. Hug them.
- Surround yourself with people who love you but are not in mourning. Allow them to support you without asking for anything in return.
- Make tea.
- Allow yourself to be sad. Cry if you need to, no one expects you to be okay.
- Ask for support if you need it.
- Isolate yourself if you need alone time, but don't cut out the people who are there to help you.
- Eat.
- Look at old photographs, remember the good times. Death is horrible but life should be celebrated.
- Accept it, this important if you're going to move on.
- Allow yourself to be happy again once you are finished grieving without feeling guilty.
